Well, lets put it this way...there's a big giant black elephant dementor in the room, wearing a sign that says fandom whipping post and firmly standing on a pie chart of doom, blocking my view of Leaky and the world of Harry Potter. To ignore or not is the question...
I had been asked some time ago to write a piece on being a Hufflepuff and what being in this fandom is like and such. It's something I've been wanting to do, been meaning to do, but today I find myself utterly unable to know what to write.
It's quite odd really, because earlier I was noting that last year on this date, we learned that Tonks was a Hufflepuff, and normally everyone would think I should be all focused on silly and shallow and squeeing and reliving a moment when my house got a bit of a boost etc. And yet, I am not. I am not squeeful. I am not joyful. What I am is very troubled by things and events and words and actions that have been taking place over the past few months. Not the trial itself but people you once thought you knew, behaving in manner they normally would not. In this latest slew of lets see how much we can hate each other spewing, someone mentioned that fandom eats its own. yep. That's exactly what I see happening and it's made me incredibly sad every single day to go to Leaky, read the hate filled comments every day and see fan turning on fan in other parts of the web. Several colleagues and I had a very long conversation as they, not normal HP fans and certainly not involved in any fandom, were honestly appalled then laughed and scoffed at the pettiness they saw before them. Oh god it was awful. It was a hell of a thing to try and explain to others that there is a bit of a mad feeding frenzy of hate going on -both sides frankly. I said I feel like these are the dark days of our fandom and it made me quite sad that this was the first view of this world I have long cherished, to many and many outside the HP world. Its been incredibly daunting for me to see all this happening, and I know it has been for others in this fandom as well. For me, the joy of being part of Leaky and this fandom has very much been attacked by the Dementors...to state it in yet another lame analogy, this Hufflepuff's joy and fandom is locked away, just like the cup in the vault.
There. I've said it. Thats how I feel.
I most certainly am NOT saying people are not entitled to their own opinion, nor should not express their opinions-not at all. I just believe that lately things are being expressed in a manner, that perhaps after the emotions and time have passed, upon reflection it may not have been the best of what we were capable of, and it's heart wrenching HEART WRENCHING to see so many people ON BOTH SIDES so upset, so hurt, some so full of anger and intolerance that at times its like we've stopped listening to each other. Im not talking being in disagreement, or having an honest exchange of ideas and learning and discussion over events, but at times the utter malice is so palpable and I think-wow, how did we get to this point?
Case in point: The recent flap over the Tim Wu story in the New Yorker strongly reminded me of the tactics a lawyer might sometime pull in court-not one taught in law school as Mr. Wu would probably tell you, but one that happens when perhaps you feel backed in a corner and want to strike out in any way you can and win and win and win: you know, when they say something and the opposing attorneys cry 'foul!" and the Judge completely agrees and instructs the jury to disregard-then the attorney will say 'sorry your honor,' and then turn away with a bit of a smile, triumphant... for the goal has already been achieved-planting that seed of doubt in the mind of the jury, and yes, frankly it will remain, even though technically its not to be admitted officially, it's out there-message sent and received loud and clear. Doesn't make it right does it?, but there it is. Speaking for myself, I kinda think this is was exactly the intent of the piece, and you can make all the apologies about the misquoting and distorted intent you want, but the damage has been done. From what I understand, corrections are apparently to be printed (read 'buried') later in the coming days..Pffft- yea this will take place when no one will see them-lets be honest, how many people read those tiny print corrections that show up weeks later? seriously? He got his point out, wound made, more anger more discussion more 'blood' drawn-so who exactly won is what I am wondering? who benefited out of that piece? I am not without some compassion for my friend, and again I still consider Steve to be my friend and um NO I do not think that by saying 'he has been vilified' or he is vilified, is me being inaccurate, being a bad friend, nor a bad person, for as his friend and former colleague its been horrifying to see this happen as it would be to watch the same happen to anyone you know, I mean come ON and it has been happening every single day, as it has been happening to Jo but to a lesser extent I think- but anyway, to me I found that article to be so inaccurate and unfair and beneath all involved frankly-unfair to Melissa and unfair to Steve. I have not talked to him regarding this matter, but I was appalled how badly it made people look and Steve, even though he surely is hurting (and yes I believe that M and Jo are hurting too yep, as are the lovely people of the Lexicon esp Bel who I adore and Lisa who I think very highly of, these are two good and decent people why should they be shunned so?)-it looked as if he was just lashing out and it killed me that we've gotten to this point. Why is malice and anger winning the day? why? WHY???
Shall I whine some more? Ok, here it comes. Now I am most certainly able to post news and am more than capable of my professional abilities, thanks, but because all of this is so so relentless and affects me, I feel I have nowhere to go, no one to talk to, and I feel even now by mentioning it on my personal blog people will just take me to task again for even saying this. I mean hell no, this case has NOTHING to do with me, but as a fan I dunno what to do with all this I see so closely each and every day. As a result I've felt frozen and isolated for months and months. I cried, no sobbed, on the phone to a friend or two, then stated elsewhere right now I feel like Nagini frozen in that bubble-should I break out, go strike relentlessly at someone something-destroy what I have here? attack ruthlessly, I mean isnt that status quo of late? be vile and mean and petty and f*** the consquences? Let's all hit below the belt, do things allow things compromise those stupid fair play Hufflepuff principles I actually hold and damm it all to the wind? Is that what I should? or ...Should I be be my vapid silly cheerleader self and pretend it doesnt matter isn't happening? lets coo over Jason some more? Pretend that what and who I love on all sides aren't hurting and go wheeeee! Look at me, Im Suzy and I can squee? Is that what I should do?
Plainly put, there is a decided lack of appeal for me anymore when I think about what Im seeing happening all around me. Sure there are the usual wars over the trio-nothing new there alas heh.Yea we've gotten a few cool pieces of news about the theme park which will be wonderful, yes that is true enough, and I think that exhibition tour will be nice to go see as well, but its hard for me to get all jazzed about this at the moment. LeakyCon frankly is going to be awesome yet I cant bloody well write anything to help them. Same for Terminus which is coming so soon-my god I get this huge honor and get to be head of house and be incredibly lucky yet once again, I think to myself-how can I go and be all Pamperoish and Huffly lovely -how can I summon that in me at the moment? would I be letting them down if I showed up feeling all torn like I am now? would I be letting people down if I go and there is this malice against Leaky or what if I quit-how many would hate me then? Does this make me sound stupid childish bitter and or self absorbed or irrational and pathetic for being honest about how I feel-probably so, but if anyone is reading this and has met me or calls me their friend, then they will know I try to be honest and open about these emotions-and I do agonise over things like fairplay and respect-yes I really do-its not some Hufflepuff crap, it really goes to who I am and try to be and well I cant be anything but that sorry. For others, well Im sure this will provide you with something to laugh over I guess and well thanks for taking the time to read, but there is nothing funny about this at all to me.
Yea my brain tells all of this will pass and there will be a better day. I know this. I really do and yet I am being open that I am struggling here and Im sorry if its upsetting.
I try and remain positive I really do and yet I am floundering. Yea,I am trying to be better this week for example while there is imo justifiable frustration over the lack of new Half-Blood Prince news, I think that is about to end. ( If there is one thing I have faith in regarding Potter, is that I am convinced that the dam is going to break oh so very soooon, and I really believe that WB will hold true to lamentable form and go from the stupidly long silence to their usual BLAMMO campaign and begin bombing us with relentless HP stuff-photos-trailers-ads- all at once. Their 'make the world Potter' strategy will begin soon I most earnestly believe, then we will have plenty PLENTy to divert our attentions) Even knowing things are going to change with the film news, I find myself wondering, is this going to be enough to lift me from my funk? I have far more serious questions regarding behavior and actions on BOTH sides that trouble me so much, I wonder will my spirits be lifted to the extent I can re-discover what drew me to this fandom in the first place?
Surely how I am feeling is not an uncommon thing, and yet people go on and celebrate this fandom each and every day. Our wonderful staff at Leaky show up every day and work very very hard to keep things chugging along. There is Terminus and other truly good and great things happening in the fandom with the other cons such as Portus and the fan art and fan ficts and crafters and the video makers keep on churning out new and fun things. Lord knows the wizard rock community is thriving, a wonderful joyful exciting thing and I should focus on that but its so hard-how do you do it? how? While you might not see my name on a news post everyday, I am working on that stuff each and every day and have done so for years and years now, so perhaps its just a case of being burnt out, and maybe I just need a vacation. While I am of the belief a verdict on this matter will be swift in coming, I agree with the judge the appeals will be endless and I dread that- I wish they could make a bridge find some common ground-is it daft and unrealistic of me to hope for some sort of settlement each day? Is it?? Maybe so. Now I am not saying that we should all hug it out and then break into a chorus of hoggie hoggy hogwarts-heh no thats not going to happen anytime soon, but like I am hoping for the two sides in the trial, I guess I need to find some way to reconcile all of this in me. Another cliche heh, but I need to understand that this is the dark moment before the dawn, and I know that the dawn is coming but its hard to see that at the moment. Bleh. Sorry that this is dreary and sappy and tedious but I wanted to be honest, and here it is.
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Comments
But here's what I want you to do, take a break from it all if you need to, think long and hard what you want of the fandom and then address your house Pamparo, Remind them that while we all drift off into various new fandoms like Twilight and Doctor Who and whatever else, our unity as Dumbledores Army remains for the rest of our lives, yes every army has its soilders that rebel and mutiny from the leaaders but our resolve remains the same. We must always respect each other and our values and never force ours to anyone unwilling. Get your house to spread the word through youtube, forums, facebook, myspace, bebo everywhere. The Fandom will live while the unity survives.
I was angry for so long about this. Not at Steve, but at the fandom and yes, at Jo. During the first day of the trial I had a long coversation with Bel and she just told me how sad she felt. I got to thinking about it and had to excuse myself to the restroom and I just sobbed. I cried for what has happened to this fandom. It used to be so loving and now there is so much hate.
I don't consider myself a part of that fandom anymore. I just can't be a part of something that will so willingly hurt others.
I'm most sad about the fact that even if the case goes in Steve's favor, that he'll never have a place back in fandom. That breaks my heart.
Obviously I'm not going anywhere. I do have a Con to run, but I've certainly distanced myself from the fandom in general.
I'm interested to see if the fandom will change at all once there is a verdict.
-Kari
Regardless, I think for fandom as a whole, this will eventually blow over. Even if there are appeals, eventually people will get bored with it. It feels weird saying that, as this involves legal issues and people's lives, but that's how it tends to go. I think eventually the negativity will die off and people will get over their squabbles.
Being a key person in the fandom, I'm sure you've seen loads of drama and negativity come and go. Unfortunately it's a situation where people are really fired up about one thing they have in common, but can vary greatly in the details, and as such get into horrible arguments and conflicts. I've been super involved in my HP community of choice for 4 years, and it's kind of like a microcosm for fandom as a whole. We've hit plenty of horrible points that have left me sobbing, angry, and ready to leave the fandom altogether, but in the end things blow over, and somehow or another people repair their differences, and things go back to how they were, or if not exactly how they were, they're something that's different, and still good.
Anyway, I'm sure you know all of this already, so I'm not sure if I've helped at all. I guess basically I'm trying to say that as big and awful as this drama is, and as much as it's brought out the worst in a lot of people, I think things will get better. I hope they will, and I hope that's encouraging a little. I agree with the above commenter who said that you can use Terminus to your advantage. Use your position to help promote unity, and peace. May this be a time that people can set all of this aside, relax, and get back to what it used to be. Maybe if people remember how good things were not that long ago (not that long at all!) they'll start to head back in that direction.
*hugs* and good luck.
Edited at 2008-05-08 07:34 pm (UTC)
can never have too many, right?
Just wish they could help, it's about all I can do right now...
Mostly I'm disappointed in the way the fandom has treated Steve. Admittedly I do not know him very well, but what I do know of him is enough to convince me that he is a truly wonderful person. The comments people have made about him are downright filthy - I have, on several occasions, stared at my screen in complete shock. I can't seem to understand how some people can do a complete 180... people who I've spoken to before, who have been absolutely in love with Steve, now say the filthiest of things about him. I am NOT aruging about whether he deserved such treatment or not, becasue I don't want to get into the legal side of things right now, but the point I am trying to make is that I can't seem to wrap my brain around the fact that this fandom is capable of that kind of hate. Whatever happened to "the weapon we have is love"? Do people really believe that any more, or is it just a line that sounds good, that's why we put it in our profiles and screen names and leave it at that?
It's hard to ignore the negative side of the fandom - and I don't think it should be ignored, anyway - but there are still so many positive aspects to celebrate, and I think it's important we continue to celebrate those, too. I don't want this entire fandom to get sucked into all the negativity.
I truly understand if you need to take a break, Sue... you're so heavily involved in this that the negativity just has to sap your energy at some point. Just know that a lot of us are behind you 100%. *hugs*
You know as well as many of us there's more to being a hufflepuff than the squeeing and happy... It's the just, the loyal and the hard stuff that comes with that.
Maybe this fandom will never get back to what it used to be... after all, neither did Harry. He grew, he changed, he learned and he came out stronger than before. Wiser. Even happier. All we can do is remain Hufflepuffs as best we can and ride it out, learn from it and let it help us....
...... remembering that you're not alone.... Never.
I rarely if ever blog about fandom things in my LJ, precisely because I feel like I a. can't necessarily be objective and b. even if I am, my words are likely to be taken out of context given the relative "authority" from my position with FA and HPEF and all that rot. Even though in reality I'm quite removed from a lot of the "big" fandom movements.
I think everyone has been feeling the same mix of heart-sickness over this all--it's so hard when the truth, that elusive beast somewhere in the middle between the two sides--gets swept aside in favor of easy accusations and blatant oversimplification. What's more disheartening still is that the controversy seems to have contributed to a more general feeling of apathy that I think has settled in over the past year. Yes, Terminus and Portus are still plugging away (and we hope both will do just fine in the final analysis), but everyone has been having trouble this summer. With Sectus canceling for next year, and the apparent "dwindling" of interest, it's hard for folks to feel that there's any reason to stay. And then the case comes and stirs up all the same reactions that, years ago, other wank supplied.
There will always be those who only hang out for the bloodfest. With any luck, the dust will settle soon and others, who are also keeping their heads down, will come up to sniff the air, and venture back into safer, kinder areas of fandom.
*hugs*
As an IP lawyer, I am fascinated with watching this trial unfold before my eyes. Sometimes I wish it were all a simulation though because real people are being hurt. I feel immense sadness for the parties involved and the current state of the fandom. I also feel immense frustration due to all the legal misinformation being spread.
As a fellow podcaster, however, I feel that TLC's decision to report on the case has somewhat invited critical articles such as Wu's. I am not a journalist and have never studied journalism, but we haven't talked about the trial on Snapecast because (1) it doesn't directly relate to Snape and the greasy git is the center of our universe and (2) as an unauthorized derivative work we have an interest in the outcome of the case.
Now maybe I am misunderstanding the nuances of journalistic ethics, but it seems like a conflict of interest to me. I know it would seem lame and boring for TLC not to discuss the case at all, but it might be much less stress for everyone involved. I don't know. As you are trained in the area, I would be interested to hear your thoughts.
If nothing else have faith that there are still pockets of fandom where squeeing is possible and frequent. We can make it through this.
Edited at 2008-05-08 10:56 pm (UTC)
I, too, am dismayed at the horrible hate that this seems to bring out in people, and it's so hard to know what to do with that. Once Pandora's Box is opened, all manner of hate and filth come pouring out, and they can't ever be put back in. But the thing at the bottom of the Box was Hope, and we still have that. So hang in there, Sue, and you know how to reach me if you need to.
--Bander
You are not alone. And, it breaks my heart to learn how isolated and torn you've been feeling. It is not likely this fandom will ever return to what it once was. We can only hope we'll, at the very least, be stronger--strong enough to bridge the divide that has been created. But there will always be scars.
Love you!
<3 <3 <3
As a lurker, I can honestly say that you're precious to me, Sue! I listen to Pottercast every week and I love the discussion a lot. It connects me to the fandom. I friended you on LJ because I enjoy your way of putting things. You've convinced me in the last few years that Hufflepuff is a respectable house because Hufflepuffs are helpful and caring. So yes, those qualities also mean you're sensitive and vulnerable. Thanks for giving us yourself even when times are rough. I've been through some tough times too lately, and some days if it hadn't been for Pottercast I don't know how I would have made it through my work day. I even thought to myself how difficult it would be to remain upbeat while feeling what I felt. I commiserate with you on how hard that is, and I want you to know that you don't always have to be cheerful and bouncy, just real. Just give us the real Sue because you are beautiful and wonderful and strong! We'll get through this together. Which sounds very strange because you don't know me from Adam, but just know that there is a lurker out there who is sending positive vibes your way that contribute to the imminent triumph of good over evil.
As the resident "potterfan" amongst my friends and family, many people have wanted to know my opinion about this and I even have a blog where I post and rant about most everything very publicly. (Not an LJ, a arts/culture/geek commentary blog). And I haven't been able to write about this at all. I just can't get into it with anyone. I'm so weary of defending my point of view in this large arena of very personal opinions - especially against all the misinformation in the media. (I'm so glad you all discussed this on the most recent pottercast, because the news was making me crazy!)
And then in this post, you really expressed a lot of the same feelings, the same reasons why I haven't been able to deal with this... because it makes me heartsick.. literally, achy inside, to think about all the hatred being flung around.
I don't know you personally (although I had the good fortune of getting to meet you briefly at a Pottercast in NYC - I was the one that made the "Hufflehoney" if you remember that!) but anyway I've been thinking a lot lately about the "fandom" and how many times I've heard you specifically say on the podcast, that we have the best fandom in the world and how there is SO much love. I have been trying to remember that lately with all this going on, and this is totally cheesy - but as a Pottercast listener - I feel like its often YOUR voice that reminds us about this - no matter what the discussion, you are the "nuturer" - you are the one what brings the love into all conversations!
You have a right to be deeply hurting and sad right now. Please know that for a lot of us - you are the one that reminds us of all the good too! and we aren't going to forget that. You are allowed to vent and be frustrated and be caught in the middle.
This is getting really long, but really I just wanted to leave you with a happy little note. I met you ONCE. and maybe never will again in person - but you are the kind of person that meets tons of people and gives so much joy and kind energy to everyone! And you very much embody all of those Hufflepuff qualities - you want to be giving everyone love and comfort and yet... its like, if the fandom is a big neighborhood, you are having to walk by your friends houses and see hateful things spray-painted on their walls and dodge rocks being thrown through their windows, by other neighbors.
So, yes it will pass, but in the meantime, this totally sucks because you have to live here!
I hope it brings you a little bit of comfort, knowing that many of us out here empathize with you and we are not getting involved in the fighting, as much as possible. I think the best we can do is keep being ourselves, keep being open and respectful and remind everyone what all of this is all about. You do that for us! So know that we hear you and as much as we can, a lot of us are sending out the supportive energy to get you through this hard time.
-Bonnie
A close mutual friend of ours was right when she first heard the news about the lawsuit and said, in essence, "nobody is going to win this. no matter what happens. we are all going to lose." I think what helps me is having a place to go that is fairly untainted by the vitriol - where I can play, talk HP, etc. without having that shadow constantly overhead.
I am lucky that way - i don't have to deal with it day-in and day-out like you do....and that helps. Take comfort in those around you who are not directly affected; borrow their happiness for a bit?
(and you are always more than welcome to come lurk or play where i do - just for a break - without fear of baggage. just sayin')
*big bear hug*
It is good and cathartic to vent . . . and I appreciate you sharing this. I know for myself, in my little photo-centric part of the fandom, it is much easier to ignore the vitriol swirling around the Lexbook mess. I wouldn't care to be in your Hufflepuff shoes at the moment AT ALL.
However, let me offer an observation from the less heated side of the fandom: there are far more fans turned-off by and ignoring the quagmire than there are wallowing in it. Unfortunately, the wallowers also tend to be the most vocal.
Come to LA, lay out on the (at the moment not very) sunny beach and sip some margaritas. The bad times will pass. They always do.
J.
I've not commented on your blog before, I hope it's okay to do so. :-)
You mention people outside of Fandom being appalled at the pettiness going on. I can understand this, as out there in the real world people are being killed in wars, people are starving, homeless, children (and adults) are being abandoned and abused, while in this Fandom fans are sending hateful messages and basically death threats around. For what? An Encylcopedia/Lexicon.
I will always love the Harry Potter books, Severus, Harry and Luna will always be my favorite characters. I'm really not sure about staying part of the Fandom however -- I just can't believe what I am witnessing.
-- Annie
Much <3, and also the non-digital kind.
-- Lee
-- Annie
Although your feelings are the same, the ramifications are far from the same. When my clients have to read an article about their being charged with a crime in our small town newspaper, they don't even want to answer their phone or leave their home. It doesn't affect them on some fandom community, it affects their real life. I guess it is for this reason that I tell you: Your friends who are not members of the Harry Potter fan community who laughed are right. Its not serious, don't let it affect you life. Don't let it depress you. You are putting too much importance to the Harry Potter fandom, just like SVA crying on the stand.
I didn't make this post to offend you. I want to help you get past these feelings. I hope I have helped. Put this whole thing in the correct perspective. Its just a child's fantasy adventure series for crying out loud.